Rantings Of A Cornflake Girl...

Hugs & kisses to everyone who has sent flowers, called & emailed during this month. I lost my father, a week later my ex's father who I loved & adored & that was horrible. After that, Scott's grandfather passed & on Christmas, my Bio-mom passed so it's been a really difficult month for me. Anyone who knows me, knows I was adopted by my aunt & uncle & that's who I refer to as my mom & dad. The genetic link is all it is & they are the bio parents. I wasn't really sad for me but for nieces & nephews that were really attached to her. For me, it was just really weird to think about the person who gave me life has passed on.

I will miss each & everyone of these people for different reasons. My dad was exactly that, my dad & I loved him & adored him whether we were speaking or not. Zero's dad was one of the kindest & most courageous people I've ever met & I loved him & adored him. Scott's grandfather was one of the cornerstones of his family & loved them above everything else. The bio-mom simply gave me life & by walking away, gave me life.

I thank them all & will miss them all in their own unique way. Have a safe journey & I will see each of you on the other side.

Yesterday was my birthday but it wasn't a happy day. My dad is no longer in this world or among us & the details are still kinda sketchy. All I know is that I'm leaving in the morning to head to Redding, California to be with my family. We had a strainded relationship... Basically, we had no relationship for the last 5 years as he had become someone who wasn't my dad. It sucks because I keep thinking that we never had a chance to fix things but maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. Maybe a lesson comes from this, I don't know...

I'm excited about spending time with my family, especially my sister. I'm really starting to view the business of death differently at the moment. I really don't like the idea of a viewing which my mothers wants & the idea of having someone else plan the place & way you remember someone seems really strange to me. Not really sure why it didn't before but it does now.

" Our revels now are ended. These our actors, As I foretold you, were all spirits, and Are melted into air, into thin air; And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, The solemn temples, the great globe itself, Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve; And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff As dreams are made on, and our little life Is rounded with a sleep." (Tempest)

Shameless promotion of myself... My birthday is a little less than a week away & I'm actually looking forward to it?!? Not really the getting older part, just hoping that I'm maybe growing a little wiser, a little smarter but only time will tell. My grandmother was one of the wisest people I've ever known & I think it truly came out of trial & error.

I used to think that when you were 30something it meant you were totally grown up, mature & responsible & that you finally had everything together... I hope that I never see myself as any of those things because it will just prove I'm that much further away.

Scott's grandfather is at the doorway between this world & the next & it makes me so sad but also reminds me how fragile life is & how lucky we are each & everyday that we have another chance @ getting whatever it is, right. It also reminds me how blessed I am to have the family & friends that I do. I love you all.

1. What color are your kitchen plates? White

2. What book are you reading now? The Devil Wears Prada

3. What is on your mouse pad? Dell Symbol @ work & Flavia poem @ home

4. What is your favorite board game? Monopoly... Only if I get to be the banker

5. Least favorite smells? Matches...the smell makes me gag.

6. What is the first thing you think of when you get up in the morning? That I hope one day, Sabine will stop sleeping on my feet. (My Cat)

7. Favorite Color? Purple & Red are tied

8. Least favorite color? Yellow

9. How many rings until you answer the phone? It depends who it is... Usually 3.

10. Future child's name? Boy - Ethan, Ian or Cameron Girl - Sydney or Emma

11. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

12. Do you like to drive fast? I drive like I still live in Dallas.

13. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? No.

14. Do you like thunderstorms? Love them.

15. What was your first car? Ford Tempo

16. What is your astrological sign? Sagittarius

17. Do you eat broccoli stems? Yes, love it with cheese

18. If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? I wish I were way more creative & artsy & could make a living doing something like that or traveling & writing about it.

19. If you could choose your hair color, what would it be? Dark brown w/red & Gold highlights, looks best on me.

20. Is your glass half-full or half-empty? I'm the eternal optimist, half-full!

21. What is your favorite movie? Name any John Hughes movie.

22. Do you type with fingers on the right key? Yep, too many papers in college.

23. What's under your bed? Dust bunnies are hiding there & sometimes the boogie man, if I watch something scary.

25. Favorite sports to watch? Baseball & Hockey. Go Star & Texas Rangers!

26. Your single biggest intense pain? Saying Goodbye to a former life... Divorce

27. Ketchup or mustard? Ketchup

28. Hamburger or hot dog? Cheeseburger or Polish Dogs w/kraut @ a baseball game

29. Favorite Season? Fall

30. Best place ever been? Italy, so far.

31. Are you in love? Truly, madly, deeply.

32. What screen saver is on your computer? Screen shots that change every 10 minutes.

33. Favorite fast food? Taco Bueno

34. What is your birth name? Carolyn McCollough

35. What is your height? 5ft, 8,in

36. If you could go anywhere, where would it be? I really would love to go backpacking across Europe.

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